By Diane Griffith, Staff Writer, myOptumHealth

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You're starting to see signs that your mother's Alzheimer's is advancing. Your children have noticed, too. They don't understand why Grandma often seems confused, asks the same questions over and over, and says things that don't make sense. Now she is forgetting simple tasks - like how to turn on the light.

You may be wondering how - and how much - to tell your children about your parent's disease.

Explaining Alzheimer's

Your children need to know what changes to expect, so give them some warning before your loved one's health starts to get worse.

Explain that sometimes it might seem as if Grandpa is angry with them. Assure them that they have done nothing wrong and that Grandpa doesn't mean to lash out. Encourage them to talk to you about it if they are upset about the grandparent's confusion or anger. Also explain to your kids that you may become frustrated, tired and short-tempered when taking care of your parent, but it isn't their fault.

Children often worry that they may get Alzheimer's one day, too, or that it will happen to a parent. Assure them that there are many factors that cause Alzheimer's and that having a relative with the disease doesn't mean other family members will get it.

Your children's feelings

A grandparent's Alzheimer's can affect children in many ways. They may:

• Complain of physical symptoms, like stomachaches or headaches
• Get poor grades
• Lose patience with or avoid the grandparent
• Spend more time away from the house
• Stop bringing their friends home because they are embarrassed about a grandparent's behavior
• Become sad or withdrawn as they see their grandparent turning into a different person
• Feel jealous that their grandparent is getting more attention than they are
• Become impatient with a grandparent for asking the same questions repeatedly
• Feel guilty for showing anger or frustration
• Feel unsure about how to act around the grandparent

How you can help:

• Encourage your kids to express their feelings when they need to talk.
• Let them know that their feelings are normal.
• Find a good book about Alzheimer's written at their level so they can better understand the disease. Ask the librarian for suggestions.
• If they ask questions, give them honest answers.
• Make your explanations age-appropriate. You don't need to tell a 5-year-old that Grandma has a neurological disorder. Instead, use simple language to explain the illness, such as "Grandma has a sickness that keeps her from remembering things."
• Set aside some time with your children to do something fun and stress-free.

How kids can help

Getting your children involved in your parent's care can help them maintain their bond with their grandparent. It also makes them feel that they are helping out. Remember not to overwhelm them with tasks. They also need some downtime, as well as time for homework and other responsibilities.

Let your children work on some of these activities with their grandparent:

• Going for walks
• Creating photo albums and scrapbooks of the grandparent's life
• Reading together
• Folding laundry together - or doing another simple household task
• Watching a favorite movie together
• Planting a garden
• Playing cards or a board game

Let your kids know that their presence is a special gift to their grandparent. Whether or not your parent recognizes your children, their hugs and other signs of affection will make their grandparent feel loved and comforted.

View the original When a grandparent has Alzheimer's: helping your kids understand article on myOptumHealth.com 

SOURCES:

• Alzheimer's Society. Dementia and children or young people.

• Alzheimer's Association. Parent's guide: helping children and teens understand Alzheimer's disease.

• Alzheimer's Australia. Information about dementia for young people.

• Alzheimer's Association. Talking to kids and teens.